Only Positives

 I keep relearning, but not reapplying, a certain lesson.  I feel like I need to always speak my mind.  Yet, that need to speak my mind often gets a foot caught in my mouth.  My marriage is not perfect and, instead of stating what's right with my husband, I often state to him what I don't like about our marriage or him. 

My husband wants to improve, but I think it's hard for him when no matter what he does, it doesn't feel like it's enough.  I often feel like what I do is not enough either, and maybe that is blamed on him instead of taking responsibility for my own feelings.

I have heard many times before to only focus on the positives, yet I find myself slipping back into focusing on the negatives.  Skip Ross mentions a challenge that he likes to give whenever he speaks.  He invites couples to totally eliminate all criticism, including constructive criticism, of their spouse for 90 days.  For singles, he invites them to eliminate all criticism of the person who repels them the most.  He has gotten many complaints and criticism from others, but those who choose to take his challenge find a vast improvement in their relationship. 

I heard a story about marriage, I don't remember where.  It was a couples' anniversary (probably 50th or 60th) and the grandchildren, getting close to marriage age themselves asked their grandmother one question: "What has kept your marriage alive so long?"  The grandmother said, "I told myself that when I married your grandfather I would forgive 10 of his biggest faults all of the time."  The grandchildren were now curious, "What were the top 10?" The grandmother smiled and said, "I don't know.  I never brought myself to writing them down.  Whenever he did something that annoyed me I just said to myself, 'good thing that's one of the ten' "  I think there's a lot to be said about that philosophy - one I might attempt.

Let us love a little more and criticize a little less.  Let us hug a little more and hold resentment a little less.  Let us praise a little more and whine a little less.  Let us give the word of praise and try to uplift and upbuild, as Skip Ross also said.  Another great man, Brett Dimler, said, "Those who praise their husbands until their husbands' self-esteem gets healed often become very wealthy women....We need each other."

We all are working on becoming better.  I think many of us are painfully aware of what we're doing wrong and often forget what we do right.  I'm going to take Skip Ross's challenge.  Please join me and let's work together in making this world a better place to live.

You are AWESOME!